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I’ve been in a bit of a strange place lately. Not physically, like I’ve been stuck in Antarctica like in Where’d You Go, Bernadette, or anything (spoiler alert), but in my head. I’m going to be in high school in just about two months. That’s pretty damn terrifying. I’m in this bemusing time of uncertainty and, well, the opposite of clarity. I don’t know what you would call it, but it certainly isn’t pretty. It’s uncomfortable. I dislike the blurriness of the situation. As you can most likely assume, I do not like the uncertainty. Life, currently, as life is always, is so damn uncertain. I am going into this completely new place, with completely new people, with completely new expectations and thoughts and gestures and necessities and desires and messes and traumas and experiences. I have not the slightest idea what to truly and actually expect from it. Obviously I can attempt to guess my way into high school, to think that my friends will still be my same friends and that those people I’ve been avoiding will still be avoidable and everyone will be the same, just a little tiny bit different, and that life will continue as it always has- dull, barely energetic, and familiar. Comfortable.

Of course I can imagine this, and I can try as hard as I can to make it my truth. But that’s just it- it will be my truth. Not anyone else’s. My sameness will not excite anyone. 

And I’m wrong. So I won’t continue on like it. I want to change this year. I must change. Middle school were the worst three years of my life, so far. And yes, my problems, my battles, were far lesser than the worst battles to come, but it doesn’t matter because I’ll grow into my weaknesses just as I’ll grow with my strengths.

So high school is upon us. A terrifying thing. An unpredictably tumultuous year, perhaps. I just am so uncertain about it all. I like to know what to expect so that I can be prepared for everything. But I’ve never been in high school before, so I have not any intentions or desires yet.

I want to survive it, and as gracefully as I possibly can. It’s rough. But come on, so is life, and this is the beginning. I start in a month. It’s way too late for preparation. It’s time to face it. 

I think I can try to handle it. That’s the best that I’ve got. Hopefully, that will be enough for a while.

 

Hello, wonderful readers. I’m currently at my summer program right now in Boston, but I’ve scheduled quite a few posts to be posted while I’m away, so please be sure to keep checking to see for anything new. 

As you may or may not know, I do indeed have a Wattpad (click here) to post my writing. I love to write. That’s probably quite obvious already, why else would I have a blog that’s literally all writing? I love writing on this blog, of course, but my biggest passion in writing is fiction as well as poetry. My poems are not breathtakingly wonderful, as fiction is most definitely my niche. They’re very all over the place and a little odd, but they’re me. I would definitely say they’re mostly quite dark. To me, all of my best writing comes out of darkness. I don’t really know how to explain it, but I feel that my writing isn’t sugarcoated or supremely “pretty”, I think of writing as art. And my art, just like any other, is supposed to make you feel something, naturally, and raw. It makes you think. That’s all I ask of you if you ever read my writing. I’m being honest and raw. I’m trying to be genuine.

So, in honor of this, I’ve decided to share some of my poetry with you all. If you’re too lazy to take a quick look at my Wattpad, all is well, hopefully this will sway you. Please just read the poem “Train” before clicking off of this page. It isn’t a typical poem, with rhyming and such. It’s more of a short story composed into a poem. Most importantly, as I do trust most of you but certainly not all, please do not steal the poems. I have put much work and effort into it and stealing it is just sort of… well, bitchy. Please do not be bitchy. I mean, if you want to steal it, I’m completely flattered… but please don’t. If anyone needs feedback or advice with writing, feel free to email me at thelovelyreasons@gmail.com (I’m getting a new one soon). Thank you, as always. I love you if you take time to read my little blog, and I’m always happy to read yours as well. So, go ahead and click on the wattpad link, and I will honestly appreciate it so much. 

It’s a beautiful day to dream.

 

 

 

 

Selfies. They’ve become a commonly used, culturally known word in our society. Having a good selfie technique is like winning the internet Nobel prize. And yes, that is almost laughably sad, when you see the truth of the matter: We take millions of pictures of ourselves, posing in different, socially acceptable ways, and post them, hoping to gain attention/affection and be noticed, captioning them “Excuse my ugliness” in the hopes that someone will correct us, with the biggest threat being the amount of times people tap the “like” and “comment” button. And after all of this, the result is usually unintentional narcissism, with whispered words, if the picture is not acceptable to our peers, of how the person is “trying too hard”. If the selfie is good, though, then whispers still continue, of how “conceited” that person is. We crave acceptance, yet is there any, really? Today, unfortunately, things like the number of likes we receive, our Instagram ratios, our amount of followers, define who we are and how loved we are. The goal of today’s culture is not to be loved deeply, but only to be loved widely (thanks for this line JG), by people who do not even truly know who we are, only what they see and perceive by our social media. I, myself, am not trying to be overly superior by saying that I am not guilty of this. Of course I am. I used to be one of the most Instagram- obsessed, sadly. But now? I literally do not give a shit, because I’ve seen firsthand that no matter how hard you try, there is no perfect end result. I have friends who, no joke, it seems like they would sell their soul to get a certain amount of likes on their selfie. Listen, I’m not saying that posting a selfie is always conceited, sometimes it is a way for someone to be expressive or a way for them to quietly shine through insecurity. Creativity is delightful. But what certainly isn’t so delightful is this insane obsession we have with each other’s faces/bodies. If I want to post a selfie, let me post a damn selfie. Nobody can post anything on Instagram without getting instantly criticized, every flaw scrutinized and highlighted by others. This is what kills me. I’ll be with my friends, when suddenly one of them will whip out their iPhone, pull up a certain picture from a certain person, and criticize the picture, letting us all know how socially unacceptable certain selfie methods are. Usually, I roll my eyes and shut my opinionated self up before I say something a bit tooooo snarky. But what I really would love to do is yank the phone out of the person’s hand, and break into the song “Mean” by T-Swift, because, let’s face it, who doesn’t love a classic Taylor hit at perfectly appropriate timing with choreography and her signature head-whipping. Anyyyyways, I really don’t enjoy the extent of this once-fun trend. Although, now, I’m not quite sure you could even call it a trend. It’s lasted a long time, already, and it’s referenced recently in countless TV shows, movies, in live conversations, and even songs (Yeah, you know the one).

So what’s my personal opinion on the selfie game? I hate the obsession, the care that goes into it, the competition. But I’m guilty of it as well. Selfies are like drugs, honestly, they’re extremely harmful but so addictive. Getting a “good” amount of likes gets me on this weird high like nothing else. And so, what’s the solution to this? To stop being so damn judgmental of everyone’s selfies. They’re pictures. How do they affect us, remotely, or at all? 

Don’t up your selfie game. Lower it, and so will everyone else.

 

“Not everything happens for a reason. Sometimes life just sucks.” -Alexa Chung I was recently perusing Tumblr, something I haven’t done in quite a while, and I came across this most fabulously accurate quote by one certain fashionista/author/model/perfect person, (in case you haven’t seen, it’s my idol, Alexa!). I don’t know if you’ve ever had what I call the “bat experience”, but it can be pretty damn amazing and pretty damn terrible at the same time. Basically, it’s when you come across some random picture/quote/gif/WHATEVER on Tumblr, and you suddenly have this sort of shaking epiphany that no, you are not alone in how you feel or think. Someone out there, somewhere, whoever it may be, has had the same experiences as you. Is it always a good thing? Hell no. But is it comforting? Extremely. I call it the “bat experience” because to me, the impact feels as if I am literally getting hit in the face with a metaphorical bat. Anyways, I did in fact have the Bat with this quote. See, I’ve recently been reading and studying quite a bit about the reality of our insignificance. Amongst these books, theories, and articles, I have found a great deal of truth in. I’ll go more into detail about what exactly these books are later on, but I’ll try to give you the general gist of the whole thing. (Keep in mind, I am no award winning scientist) We, as human beings, naturally all believe that there is a greater reason for us all. We typically believe that the Earth is placed exactly where it is for some grand plan, that the sun is there specifically to provide for us, that everything that we are and have become, every experience, every birth and every death, are for some purpose. We all desire a common goal: a purpose. I hate to break it to you, if you haven’t already figured it out, but, that’s just a whole load of bull-crap. Yes, we are humans, we are somehow miraculously able to breathe and live and die, but so what? The universe doesn’t care. The universe doesn’t anything, it just… is. We just… are. We are humans, because that’s just what is. I’m not extraordinary, but I am. See, it’s extraordinary that we are even able to be, but our being is not incredible. Does that make a hint of sense? I feel like this is an opinion, but I also feel like Alexa is also stating a fact. When shit happens, as it inevitably always does, (Thanks, Forrest Gump) it comes out of nowhere and usually to the best of people. You could be a good person, someone who always tries to do the right thing, but guess what- that doesn’t matter. Not one person lives a life with no suffering. And typically, that suffering has no reason. A person does not get cancer to learn about life, they get cancer because life sucks. And cancer is a monster, but sometimes it’s stopped and sometimes it’s not. You don’t get punished by breaking a bone, by getting sick, by anything of that sort. Good people are not getting into car accidents because “God needs angels”. They are getting into car accidents because they are accidents. You can’t control life, but there is no purpose to that. There are just rules of the universe, not for any certain reason, just because. I know this sounds awfully controversial, and like I should have some research to back up my theories, but these are not theories of mine. I have nothing against religion, of course, but I simply believe in science and what I’ve just said. I am not encouraging/discouraging anyone to be religious. Honestly, do whatever makes you happy. What I am saying is that religion cannot be proved just as a “purpose for our world” cannot be proved. Religion just is. We just are. See, nothing about life is “right” and nothing about life is “wrong”. We have morals, values, that we as humans believe will take us ultimately to our purpose in life, but nothing is actually as planned as we believe it to be. And so, Alexa is completely right. Of course I get frustrated with life, often going bonkers when shit happens for no apparent reason. But I’ve learned that usually, there is no reason, and I have to accept that. I don’t have to be happy about it, but I just have to accept that there is literally nothing to be done about it. The universe isn’t a devil or an angel, it doesn’t actually have manipulations or motives, it just is. And that, that is something I like to hold onto in moments of panic. How insignificant we are is actually pretty damn calming, if you stop to think about it. Riiiight… So I apologize if I just completely sounded like I’m trying to be some type of philosopher. Because philosopher, I ain’t. Basically, as I’m guessing my words were a little jumbled, here’s what I’m trying to tell you all, in a nutshell: Stop thinking that the universe hates you. The universe only hates you if you let it. 

Yesterday I arrived in my absolute favorite city, the lovely, grey city of London. It was the official start of my quick European trip, and it was by far my favorite part (so far). There is something magical, exhilaratingly comforting, about the culture of England. There is this eclectic, creative mix of all types of people, of dreams that mesh in London. It isn’t like New York City, where the streets are packed to the max, hustling and bustling. London is incredibly unique, in an almost indescribable way. Any dream is achievable in London. As soon as I walked out of the plane, I had this strange feeling of simple belonging. I hope so strongly that one day I will be able to call myself a citizen of England. Every person I talked to was so lovely, polite, and genuinely curious. This was only my second time in London, and although I only had eight hours (layover), it was everything I’d hoped it would be and more. Here, I’ll share with you this incredible little adventure of mine.

Driving through Piccadilly and the legend appeared onscreen.

Oxford Topshop: a surreal heaven of impeccable clothes, stylish people, and CUPCAKES.

Said heavenly cupcakes.

I call this the classic “American Tourist” shot- Big Ben, and a double-decker. So unique.

My friend Anna and I in front of the London Eye, a la Topshop bag-reppin’

(Taken by Anna) The most perfect, classic gloomy London day. The drizzle was lovely, the whole entire trip was lovely.

(Yes, I am aware this is a very awkward photo of me) Me, in front of the one black telephone box we came across, representing me perfectly. And yes, there is indeed wifi there!

Outfit:

Sweater- Brandy Melville

Shirt- Brandy Melville (oops)

Pants- H&M

Shoes- Forever 21

Purse- Zara

Sunglasses- Topshop

 

I am currently working on renovating my fashion blog, but it isn’t close to being great. See you all tomorrow!

It’s a beautiful day to dream.

Today is my last day in the smog-filled, Celine-obsessed, dreadful, superficial city of Los Angeles (admittedly, it is my hometown that I loathe so much) for around nine days. Tomorrow, I will be jetting off to Europe. Last summer, I was also in Europe for around a month and it was phenomenal. Whenever I leave this city, it feels as if a suffocating, metaphorical weight has been lifted off of my chest. I will be visiting a few different locations, specifically around the lovely country of France. Here is my schedule for tomorrow (bear with me):

I wake up at 4:30 AM. We then proceed to drive to the airport, take off in a few hours, and arrive five hours later in New York City (unfortunately I have no time to go out of the airport). Quite a while later, we depart on a seven hour plane ride to London. I have eight hours in my favorite city ever, (score!) and then I take yet another plane to Nice.

Sounds just lovely, right? I am not a fan of airplanes, but the end result is usually always worth the torturous hours on the vehicle. I will be spending most of my week in the simply stunning and darling South of France, one of my favorite places that I’ve been so far. I will be in Italy for a bit, mainly in Rome. I am delighted to embark on this trip, of course, but the one thing I have no joy about is tomorrow’s plane-day. Let’s just say I have a “small” phobia of public restrooms. I have trouble with confinement, in the claustrophobic sense. Annnyyywayssss… as there is not too much to do for that amount of hours in an airplane/airport, I have made an overly long playlist of songs for my journey. I have decided to cut just a fraction of the very best songs on it here for you. Whether you’re in an airplane, boat, car, or even just simply taking a stay-cation in your own home, these songs will most definitely get you in the travel mood.

Au revoir!

8tracks- @holidaygurl

I’m not a good liar. Not really. I never have been graced with this gift as well as curse, I presume.

But I do know how to act. Many people have told me that acting is just like a more official version of lying, but I really do not find that to be true. See, when I act, I become my character in that very moment. No matter how much rehearsal I have, no matter how many times I’ve practiced my lines, I have to believe in myself to be my character.

And so why can’t I lie? Because lying is for those who have something to hide. But acting, acting is not about hiding. Acting is about opening yourself up and baring your soul for everyone to see. You become a character, even if just for two hours, you are you but in a different form. This is why I adore acting. It gives you the ability to truly see yourself, but to open up in a different version of yourself. And you can use acting in your daily life, not just on the big ol’ Broadway stage all of us musical theatre people dream of.

I’m scared, okay? I admit it. I’m scared because in just three months, I will enter high school. I know it doesn’t seem like a huge, overly exciting deal but let’s be honest: it definitely is. My parents look at me with that abruptly condescending look in their crinkled eyes, screaming one day she will laugh about it when I explain my anxieties over entering high school. It sucks, when adults tell you to buck up, kid, because one day you’ll have to live in the “real world.” Well, what is the real world? What world is high school, then, the fake world? It’s almost humorous, but in the most frustrating of ways. I could go on and on about the hellishness of certain adults, but that’s a much  different post.

The main point is, high school is scary, simply put. I’ve seen what it does to some students. It cruelly yanks out and drains every last ounce of dignity, of confident persistence, of innocence. But high school is also what you make of it. Any situation is what you make of it. I’ve got to say, I’m quite awful at this concept, as I have an abnormally negative view on life, but I am trying here. Faking confidence can help you so incredibly much. Fake confidence can win over people, teachers, anyone in your life. Now, read closely. Fake confidence is NOT overconfidence. There is a fine line between the two traits. Overconfidence is the automatic assumption that absolutely everything in the world will go your way, the vainest and most unsuccessful type of confidence. Fake confidence is when you are not quite sure of how well you’re going to do in a situation, but pretending to know just enough. For example, last summer, I went ATVing at my summer camp. I hadn’t ever been on an ATV before, but everyone around me seemed excited and unafraid of the task before them. I, on the other hand, had a mini heart-attack and I almost backed out of it due to the lingering anxiety I always seem to possess. But what did I do? You guessed it- I acted confident. I put on my best “I’ve never done this before but I’m completely sure it’ll be fun and I definitely won’t get any limbs chopped off!” smile. It worked. I am the least adventurous person I know, but because I faked faith in myself, that faith became reality, and I had the time of my life on that ATV. It was exhilarating, to say the least.

No one is good at everything. NO one. But you know those people you see, the ones who are well-rounded, seem to have every skill from dance to perfect SAT scores under their belt? They aren’t just born with some inhuman ability to achieve perfection. They had to pretend along their journey there. So, confidence is key, no matter how much you hate something, if you seem confident, then you will become confident.

It’s a beautiful day to dream.

I’ve recently become infatuated with the brilliance that is young, lovely Barbra Streisand in all of her Technicolor-glory. Two words.

Funny Girl.

Unfortunately I was not alive to see this fabulous musical on Broadway, but I am lucky enough to have witnessed it on screen in my living room. Close enough. I first saw Funny Girl quite a long time ago, but I felt this urge to watch it recently, and now I am completely obsessed again. I don’t even know the words to encompass all that is Funny Girl. I’ve always been a huge fan of musical theatre, having been in tons of different productions myself due to this passion. I’ve seen many musicals on/off Broadway, but Funny Girl, despite the fact that it is a movie now, happens to be my favorite (besides Wicked). It was made in 1968, but the magic of it remains the same. I won’t go into too much detail about the synopsis of the movie but I’ll divulge you in a little summary.

Barbra Streisand plays Fanny Brice (a real person but the story is mostly fictional), a young Jewish ingenue with overwhelming talent in musical theatre but who looks much different than other actresses during that time. If you weren’t pretty, you weren’t worth Broadway. Due to her “skinny legs” and “big nose”, she is mostly overlooked by producers. She struggles to get into any shows, but once a famous Broadway producer hears her incredible voice, well, as she sings in “Don’t Rain On My Parade”, BAM. She then meets and eventually falls in love with Nick Arnstein, a rich gambler who courts her. The whole story is mainly about her struggles to success as well as her rocky, tragic relationship with Nick.

This movie is spectacular because, let’s face it, Barbra is spectacular. Without Barbra the movie would be nothing. All of the songs she sings are perfect, as she pours the most funny and lovely emotion into her performances as well as having unbelievable talent. I have to admit, I do know the words to every song now, but that is because they are wonderful.

“Star quality” is a term used now to express people such as the Kardashians and Justin Bieber. I am not saying the people nowadays do not have talent, but talent back when this movie was made was certainly much more than it is today. To be a star, you had to have raw, natural talent, talent that you had to really work for. Dreams didn’t come easily. Persistence was key. There was no auto-tune or technology to make yourself sound/look/be better than you actually are. There wasn’t any insanely, over the top elaborate concerts and sets. There was just you and your ability, your drive, your passion in whatever it was you did. And Barbara is definitely the epitome of this. Despite the fact that tons of people saw her as “ugly” due to her physical differences, “odd” due to her unapologetic ambition, it never stopped her from achieving her dreams. In this movie, well, that is the whole point of Fanny Brice.

I would most definitely recommend this movie to anyone. Don’t blame me if you have “People” stuck in your head all day.♦

Today my good friend Mia stopped by. We hadn’t seen each other for quite a while as she had been in Mexico and I in Palm Springs. We had a scrumptious lunch at Pitfire Pizza, and then walked around my neighborhood and exploring my park before coming back to my house. We lazed around and just basically munched on crisps and talked all day. Later on, we watched one of our absolute favorite movies ever- The Virgin Suicides. (Sofia Coppola is a genius) I decided, in a crazy spur of the moment choice, to interview the fabulous and intellectually refreshing Mia! After reading (and hopefully liking and commenting too!)  this, go check out her and my other friend Julianna’s great blog- burstsofbeauty.com.

An interview with Mia

S: Can you introduce yourself to my readers?

M: Hi, I’m Mia. Sofia’s one of my best friends, and I am so honored to be featured in her fantastic blog. I really enjoy art and that is my main outlet for expressing my creativity, I also enjoy writing much like Fia.

S: What are some of your inspirations for your art?

M: One of my main inspirations is just the people that fill my life every day, they give me such happiness and joy. A more specific person who started out inspiring me to create art was my mom.

S: Out of all the many arts, why choose visual arts?

M: The reason that visual arts is my main calling is because I am not much of a performer or an actress, and for me, visual arts show everything I am trying to express. It’s so amazing that just one color can show so many emotions, the composition of a painting, the brushstrokes- those are all feelings that come from visual arts and no other art.

S: What are some things you are really into right now?

M: Right now, I’m really into American Horror Story, because I have no real thrills in my real life. It’s a very nice escape to be so scared that you are too shocked to do anything else. I started reading this amazing novel called “The Boy in the Striped Pajamas”. It is so captivating and you just think about- it’s cheesy, but reading books that are so dynamic that make you think about your life and question a lot. You start relating the character to your life and the situations you are going through.

S: Ooh, I enjoy AHS as well! In terms of fashion, what brands and trends are you excited about right now?

M: I am very excited about spring colors! I’ve been seeing a lot of cute dresses lately-Kate Spade, oh, J Crew has such cute dresses. Sof, as you know, we both love Lea Michele, and I love her little frocks and dresses she wears. It’s just adorable.

S: Yes, I adore Lea Michele so much! How do you think she’s handled the awful ordeal she’s had to go through? (Cory Monteith’s death)

M: I look at her, and I am so amazed at how she has handled it. I don’t know her personally, but I can see that she hasn’t shut out her family and friends. She is really seeking support, and I just find it astonishing that she is able to compose herself in such a polished way. She has spoken out about it, and is open about it. The main thing I see in her is her selflessness. In her time of grief, she opened up to Cory’s fans and family. She really related to people who were going through the same grief, and helped them while repairing herself.

S: On a happier note, what have you been listening to lately?

M: I’ve been really into Ellie Goulding and an artist called Fluke. I love Ed Sheeran, Amy Winehouse, Miley Cyrus, Vampire Weekend, Arctic Monkeys, you know. My favorite song right now is Awkward by San Cisco, which you showed me!

S: How have you been handling school stress lately? It’s been pretty bad recently, at least for me.

M: Seeing as we are on break, I’ve been very relaxed. When in school, I get really strung out over the smallest details. I know it doesn’t seem like the world will end if I get less than 90%, you know, but in that moment it feels as if everything is falling apart. I think this more to the last minute when the tests and assignments are coming up, even if I am so well prepared.

S: Yeah, I feel exactly the same way, it’s crazy. Anything you’re looking forward to for high school?

M: Expanding my friend groups. I’m looking forward to… well, just generally growing up as a person and becoming more passionate and focused on certain things.

S: This has been lovely. Anything else you’d like to say to the internet?

M: Before the beginning comes the end.

 

 

On that note…

It’s a beautiful day to dream. ♦