last thoughts.

Hello, all.

I want to first give an overdue, well-earned thank you to all of you who have read through my chaotically superfluous ramblings and crises of teenage identity/personhood on this blog, if I could even call it that. It undervalues the weight of what this blog has meant to me, as absurdly melodramatic as that sounds.

However, I no longer feel that this is the right space for me to continue to grow as a human, and I cannot exactly explain it in coherent words, but what I will say is this: this space meant everything to me, but as a growing, ever-evolving human being in this strange universe, I cannot fit myself into spaces I cannot fit into anymore.

So, sofsea has come- not to an end- but to a completion of a sort. This is not the end of me, though.

I have begun a new blog, a new space for my thoughts and ramblings and ideas, and it is called “The Abditory.” An abditory is defined as A place for hiding or preserving articles of value. This space, to me, will function as a medium in which I can hide. A place to unearth myself and to find comfort and inquire and question. I am not hiding myself, but this is where I will come when reality is crammed with excessive disillusionment and distress. The written word serves as my tool to understand myself. As Gloria E. Anzaldúa said, “Why am I compelled to write? . . . Because the world I create in the writing compensates for what the real world does not give me. By writing I put order in the world, give it a handle so I can grasp it. I write because life does not appease my appetites and anger . . . To become more intimate with myself and you. To discover myself, to preserve myself, to make myself, to achieve self-autonomy. To dispel the myths that I am a mad prophet or a poor suffering soul. To convince myself that I am worthy and that what I have to say is not a pile of shit . . . Finally I write because I’m scared of writing, but I’m more scared of not writing.”

The Abditory is me, everything I am, and it is who I am slowly becoming. This changes everyday. Identity is no fixed entity of self-awareness. It is a fluidity, but an acceptance of this fluidity, of all its numerous flaws and facets, an unapologetic assurance of self.

I wish for you all to come and read this new piece of me, and I want you to find parts of yourselves here. I want you to disassemble yourself in my self-exploration. I will write about politics, about feminism, about sexuality, mental illness, self, identity, literature, the absurdity of existing, everything.

You can find The Abditory here.

Thank you, all, for everything.