currently

I haven’t updated in quite a while, and I apologize profusely- high school is sort of insanely hard right now. I know I am only in ninth grade, but already, I have an inane amount of work. Chemistry is sort of a brain-killer. I try very hard to keep some time off specifically for myself, meaning this blog as well, but that is much harder than I really expected. So, I decided, since I have a few minutes in free period, I’d try to update you all (whoever that may be) on my humble little life.

reading- I’m rereading The Catcher In the Rye, a novel I absolutely love but surprisingly, it’s not as loved by everyone. I also just finished a spectacular read called Conversion by Katherine Howe, it is most definitely worth a read- be sure to have a nice cup of Earl Grey while you devour this unearthly book, you will definitely need it. It’s hard to find books that will consistently keep me interested in this age with so much technology, but this book is so twisted yet so relatable that it will keep you all captured in it. Maybe it’s just me (typical) but I only like books where there is something dark and twisty to them. I mean, that is what my friends call me?

Listening- My favorite songs right now are these: (keep in mind, they’re sort of an eclectic random bunch)

1. Fireproof- One Direction

2. Ways to Go- Grouplove

3. Twice- Little Dragon

4. Bad Habit- The Kooks

5. You Should Know Where I’m Coming From Banks

6. For Emma- Bon Iver

watching- One great struggle I face is Thursday nights (sense the sarcasm please). Three of my favorite shows are all on on Thursdays, and me being a neurotic high school student, I don’t really ever have time to watch all three, if even one or two. These shows are Grey’s Anatomy, Scandaland The Vampire Diaries. I know that Shonda Rhimes, aka Jesus, will be the death of me. She is honestly so truly amazing yet addictive, her shows encompass what I want in my life. Powerful women, with issues that do not just involve men, are quite hard to come by on television in general. And Shonda completely breaks the norm with Olivia Pope and Meredith Grey. And the Vampire Diaries is my guilty pleasure- it is breaking my Delena shipping heart right now. Sigh. The truly unbearable hardships of a fangirl.

wanting- I am pining after this beauty of a bag– the Mansur Gavriel mini bucket bag- but if you take a quick look at the price, unfortunately it is something my dear parents aren’t keen on getting for me. Perhaps a Christmas gift?

loving- super irish breakfast tea. It is delicious, especially on a rainy day which we have approximately zero of here.

writing- I am working on a new piece of writing that I am incredibly excited over, more coming soon

trying- last week, I made the “daring” chop and got myself some new bangs. I love them right now, but I’m not sure if I will love them so much in a month or two…

traveling- I’m elated to be going to Toronto in November as well as Chicago, and perhaps New York to visit one of my best friends, who I miss so very much. Long distance friendships sort of suck sometimes.

feeling- stressed as hell, but also determined.

It’s a beautiful day to dream.

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It’s Handled

As those of you who regularly (I hope) read this humble little blog of mine, you’re probably aware that I have quite the respect for powerful women. And my favorite fictional example of a particularly amazing woman is the Olivia Pope, of ABC’s incredible show, Scandal.

Scandal is excellent, I thoroughly enjoy each and every episode, so much, in fact, that dear old Livvy (only Fitz can call her that) inspired this post in honor of herself.

Olivia Pope has changed the once all too stereotypical face of women on television. She is the epitome of “breakthrough”, of a slightly fresher breath of air. I know there is much controversy about calling her a role model, but in my (very) humble opinion, I find her to be exactly the type of role model a young, adolescent woman so desperately needs. Some people do not need role models, of course, some generate their dreams from themselves. And that is absolutely fantastic, but unfortunately, that isn’t me.

Olivia is a person who does not live inside anyone’s boundaries except for her own. To me, she is so incredibly powerful because she never cowers to anyone. She does not succumb to others’ values, to others’ opinions, to any other person’s idea of who she ought to be. Olivia is Olivia, which is the most definite thing she has. She is herself, and no matter how many unexpected, sometimes tragic, choices she makes, she does not apologize for being herself. This is a quality I feel so deeply that I must gain: fearlessness. I don’t mean literally and truly having no fear, because that is just outright stupid and most definitely impossible. But as many people have preached before me (lookin’ at you, Taylor Swift), fearlessness is doing something regardless of the fear. Fearlessness is perhaps being terrified out of your wits about something but accepting the fear and still doing that one thing. It… isn’t falling into the deep end of the pool, it’s diving into it. I have yet to acquire such a trait, but Olivia is one of the main inspirational guides for my new goal.

Liv is extraordinarily hardworking, in every single one of her endeavors, no matter the weight they carry. She accepts any challenge that is handed to her, and when I say handed to her, I definitely do not mean on a silver platter. I mean on a dirty dishrag. Her work is to handle other people’s many issues. Her job is to handle. Her job is to, well, fix. And the hardest part about her occupation is that while she is constantly on the move to fix everyone else’s issues, it leaves minute time to fix her own. And yet, she carries on so gracefully, in such a strong, effortlessly powerful manner, even if she is completely crumbling inside. How does she carry such a quality? I know, she is fictional, but my point remains. We can’t pretend we don’t have problems. But we also can’t let those problems become our everything.

Olivia does not allow her fear of the unpredicted to define her, does not let the fear knock her down. Fear encourages her to do better, to do it anyways, to beat that dread. I want this. I want her qualities. And yes, ok, she is in love with the President of the United States of America, who just so happens to be married, but that is her truth. Her most vulnerable humanity is when she is with Fitz (the POTUS of the show). She loves him more than anything else in the world, but she remembers to give room to keep loving herself as well.

Olivia makes mistakes.

We all do. And she, in spite of these many mistakes, doesn’t succumb to fear, to injustice, to cowardice. She keeps on breathing. And, in the end, isn’t that all any of us can truly ever do?

As for any issues that spring up amongst my freshman year, well, to my teachers, parents, and friends alike, I only have two little words to say.

It’s handled.